I was listening to a BBC podcast the other day where people were mispronouncing words, one after another, from medicine (med-sin) to glacier (glass-i-er) and so on.

Now, I am used to their funny accents, so I more or less understand what they are saying.

But then some sociologist started talking about “feckless chavs” and after that “boffins.”  Then a “manky” cat.  I had no idea what they were talking about.  I could figure out the gist of it from the context, but the words were all new to me.

The more I am exposed to the language that the British people speak, the less I understand.

I suppose I should put on my “plimsolls” to try and keep up.  Or put on my “jumper” and hunker down with a “jam butty” (no it is not rude).

These words that come rolling out of British mouths are not even accepted by my Scrabble game.  So that is clear proof these words are not English.

British maybe, but not English.

I can accept “al-you-min-ium.”  Even “Vitt – a – min.”  But more differences appear everyday.  It is quite the “con-tró-versy.”

Take a word like table.  To us, when you table an issue, you set it aside for later discussion.  To the Brits it means exactly the opposite.  So how could they be speaking English?

So what about words like windscreen, dual carriageway and so many more. What a bunch of wankers.

I guess the same could be said from their side of the pond.  There are a lot of words the North Americans or the Australians speak that make little sense to the English.  Long term, like Latin went, I guess we will have a range of versions of the language we all think we are speaking correctly,  each will eventually move from being a local patois to a complete language with similar sounds, words and rules.

Over to you Steven Pinker.  Let us know when to enroll in the Berlitz School of British.

P.S. “Feckless chavs” are lazy rednecks, “boffins” are geeks and “manky” means dirty.  More or less.

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